Here, TLR recounts the story of how Jim, Portsmouth fan from childhood and amateur footballer playing for the Diplomatic Corps team, found himself making his surprise debut for Spartak Moscow when he thought he was only around to gather research on Russian football for his dissertation.
Imagine his surprise when instead, he finds himself running out at Centre Back in front of 50,000 - the first and only Englishman ever to play in the Soviet Leagues and wearing a shirt so small he can hardly tuck it into his shorts...
"I strolled the few hundred yards to the Lenin Stadium in my tracksuit, dusty and sweaty from playing that morning for the Diplomatic Corps. I was directed to the home dressing room where a worried-looking Simonyan was pacing up and down.
One look at me must have deepened the furrows on his brow.
'You're on standby,' was all he said.
Standby?
Seeing my bewildered look, he explained, half to himself, 'Valery's sick. Seryozha's injured. I might play Igor, but we need height. I could have to pitch you in.'
Valery turned out to be the regular centre-half, Volkov; Seryozha was Rozhkov, and Igor the famous Netto. Though no one said so at the time, it transpired that Volkov had been 'bitten by the green snake' - i.e. he was as pissed as a newt.
Simonyan was so preoccupied he didn't seem to notice how dishevelled I was, having just played a full game. I took my turn on the masseur's table, embarrassed by the dust and sweat I'd accumulated, hoping it would be seen as the result of an over-zealous warm up. I got pummelled and kneaded like builder's putty and had knots undone where I never knew I had them. Finally, he came to me.
'Don't let me down. I've stuck my neck out for you.'
'I'll do my best,' I mumbled.
'None of your English rough stuff,' he said with a twinkle in his eye. 'Fair play.'
Russian like most languages, has no equivalent of 'fair play', which he pronounced in English. I nodded.
